How well do I LISTEN? Why it’s critical and how to improve…

Believe “our ability to listen” to be one of THE MOST underrated skills connected to leadership, and/or one’s ability to lead and/or manage at a high level. Have you ever thought about your ability or inability to listen and how that plays a large role in your ability to live, love, lead and manage not only yourself but those you engage with daily? How does this impact the companies, divisions, departments, teams we work and/or play for as well? This skill or topic has been a thread as of late, so again I thought I’d take a deeper look at an attribute, a skill that is extremely powerful…often we simply need to pull this in and be intentional, remembering, “It starts with us” almost always. Again, I’d like to make an observation that’s a VERY REAL issue in today’s landscape, which is simply and solely one’s ability to listen. Not listen to reply or respond, not because I have to, not because the organizational chart or depth chart says so, but really listening to understand, empathize with those we are engaging with. Listening to connect, engage, understand on a deeper level. Listening to make a connection, build resilience, have a deeper understanding, communicate that I care. Also believe that our inability to listen at an elite level is seldom a result of selfishness and/or out of negative intent. Let’s take a deeper look at the inner workings of listening and how we can create awareness around it.

How do I know if I’m a bad listener?

1.     You interrupt frequently.

2.     Not staying curious…not asking questions for clarity.

3.     Dominating the conversation. That clue bird that tells you to stop talking.

4.     Tuning out or appearing bored.

5.     Focusing on the details instead of the overall message.

6.     You likely forget conversations and/or don’t follow up.

7.     Giving little to no feedback both verbally and/or non-verbally.

8.     Hard conversations are hard, and you’ll find a way to not have them.

9.     Lack eye contact.

What can I do to improve at listening?

1.     Identify the key word that sparks YOUR curiosity. When you said, “key word”, what did you mean by that? 

2.     Paraphrase the key point you heard in one sentence…. “I heard you say…”

3.     Share their intent behind their statement? When you said X, did you mean Y?

4.     Following up. When we follow up, it shows we were actively listening.

5.     Take notes, capturing key points, follow up opportunities.

6.     Be mindful of distractions i.e., cell phone, computer, window(s), silence cell/office phone, stationary or mobile, room dynamics to list a few.

Qualities of an elite listener:

1.     Being able to summarize what was said via a multitude of mediums i.e., memos on cell, via text, memo, verbally, customer relationship system, practice, presentation…

2.     Staying curious. When we stay curious, we ask questions and listen intently to ask applicable questions, exploring my understanding.

a.     Be mindful to ask open ended questions to further explore response

3.     Showing interest. Verbal and non-verbal cues communicate this, i.e., eye contact and facial expressions. Could also call this “being coachable.”

4.     Withholding judgement. Challenge your bias and/or judgements to make sure you are hearing the whole story, not just what you want to hear.

5.     Active listening. Giving the conversation your full attention. Having the awareness to engage through your body language too. Being present.

6.     Empathy. Allows us to understand the value of sharing emotions and perspective of others.

7.     Patience. Give the space…even if I know the answer or direction, allow others the ability to communicate too. TRUST builder.

8.     Ability to be open-minded. Maybe there is another way, which I didn’t think of? Allow others to “solve for X their way”

9.     Ability to lean in…share. Elite listeners show a consistent awareness of vulnerability.

What do I gain from improving my listening skills?

1.     Build TRUST quicker and in a sustainable way.

2.     Builds relationships.

3.     Helps us solve problems.

4.     Encourages open dialogue.

5.     Creates better, more open communication.

6.     Creates authentic/genuine behavior.

7.     Fewer mistakes.

8.     Increased clarity.

9.     Respect from others.

10.  Feedback increases.

How to use as a tool? Review the following areas: Bad listener, elite listener, and audit yourself. If this is hard, pull on your courage and ask someone at work and/or on your team to rank you in the listed areas. Great mechanism of feedback. Define these for yourself, audit yourself on a likert scale 1-5, with 5 being the best/highest and 1 being the worst/lowest…where do you currently rank in these areas? If you have areas that are 3 or less, create action geared towards improving. i.e., A1, A2, A3…These action steps should be habits, ways to be intentional in this area of your life that would make this a habit builder. Reach out and we can discuss too. I’d love to hear from you.